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I wonder how Hugo’s doing. It’s the first time he’s been all by himself up there. But he’ll be OK, he’s come a long way. A really phenomenally long way, given that it’s been less than two full months.Two goddamned eventful months, I think. It would’ve been pretty hard to even imagine two months ago that I’d meet a real caveman, much less fall in love with him.And dammit, I’m in really deep, too.Oh, screw it for now, let’s get to the store.First the bank; the post office needed cash, I’m running short. I take out three hundred—no, make it six hundred, let’s pay cash for the groceries, too—and head on, picking another store than the one where I took Hugo. I remember about the meat and choose carefully; the selections aren’t so good here, but I think I do all right.I’m halfway home when the delayed reaction strikes me and I have to pull off. I’m actually shaking, it’s a real panic attack. Jesus, what have I done? What was I thinking? My career’s in the toilet, in one day I’ve turned from. Maybe the scene I just described will be published someday and maybe it won’t. What happened with us, you ask? Well, neither of us could go through with it. As odd as this sounds, my love for him kept me from having probably the best sex of my life with him. I couldn’t make him a cheater. And he couldn't not do the right thing for his family and me.He knew if we made love, our attachment to each other would grow exponentially. I wanted more than to be a man’s mistress or an online lover. I knew I deserved more. He wanted more for me too - things he knew he couldn’t give right now. Ultimately, he wasn’t ready to leave his current life yet.We tried to pull back to friends, but it grew too painful for us both. We decided it would be best if we distanced ourselves from each other. To say this was hard is the understatement of my life. I tried not to message him, but checked my phone every few minutes the first week, hoping he would cave. We ended up checking in on each other about once a.
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